I remember my five-year-old leaving the house wearing sweatpants, a skirt on top, a Mickey Mouse long sleeve tee and a faux fur vest over the top of it all. On his head? A woollen beanie with a bright blue fur. His feet? Unicorn socks and purple rubber shoes.
He looked, in a word, crazy. But he also looked like a five-year-old who had dressed himself and chose his very own boy clothes in Singapore. And that’s exactly what he should look like.
I do support his decision
From the minute she could dress himself, I was adamant that my kid actually dress himself. You know – choose his clothes and put them on by himself. Because getting dressed is not just about the physical, practical act (although of course it’s about this as well, and as any parent knows, trying to get your kids out the door before work every morning is hard enough without adding another ten minutes of helping your kid get dressed). Learning to dress yourself is about building independence. It’s about nurturing creativity. It’s about figuring stuff out for yourself. And I’m all for it.
While I do give some parameters (you can’t wear flip-flops in winter, legs have to be covered if you’re going to be climbing trees, school uniforms are non-negotiable etc), I pretty much let my son wear what the boy clothes he wants. Some parents baulk at this – they don’t like seeing their kid in mismatched colors or in clothing that doesn’t necessarily “suit” the occasion. But I think it’s important. First of all, he learns – in a very safe, non-risk way – how to make decisions for himself. What kind of pants are good for scooting or riding my bike? What weight of sweater is appropriate for the cold today? Do I need a vest over my T-shirt to feel a bit warmer? Where’s my hat? They all sound like simple decisions, and that’s the point – kids aren’t great at choosing, but they need to learn. Yes, they’ll make mistakes. Sometimes they won’t be cool enough or warm enough. That’s OK (that’s when it’s your job, as a parent, to bring an extra layer). Because the next time, they’ll remember that they need to dress differently. And later on, our kids will have to make hundreds of decisions every day. Learning how and what to dress themselves in is an easy way for them to start to figure out planning and making choices.
My son became even more confident
It’s also a way for my son to be creative. I want him to feel free to express himself because I know how joyful that is. I love getting dressed up and feeling special in something I’ve chosen for that day – it’s such a lovely feeling to put on a special dress or pair of shoes, the kind you save for a special occasion, and strut around with the confidence of a Marvel superhero. Why would I want to take that away from him?
But really, the biggest lesson I want him to take away from this is that what you look like is not important. I don’t want to tell him what to wear – beyond limits about the weather and the activity he’s doing in those clothes – because I don’t want him to internalize the idea that what he looks like has anything to do with his value. I want him to know that he is much, much more than the sum of his parts, and I think this starts with letting him look the way he wants to look. If he wants to wear quirky boy shorts in Singapore with unmatched belt, then that’s fine by me: by telling him that those things “don’t go” together, I’m telling him that he’s made the wrong choice, and that what he thinks looks good is wrong, and I don’t want that for him. I want him to trust that he looks good. Because right now, he does. He has the confidence of a Marvel superhero. In fact, she has the confidence of the entire Marvel superhero universe.
And that’s what I want for him: to be confident and creative and to know that what he wears is entirely her choice. The good news is, he knows that. Now, it’s his little sister’s turn. When I see my sixteen-month-old reach for his favorite vest, I can’t help but smile to myself; sure, it might be time to go to preschool, but if she’s comfy wearing her brother's boy clothes over her romper, then so be it. It’s what being a kid is all about.
My son's go-to site
Gotta hand it to these kids that know exactly what they want. My son's go-to website when shopping and picking for his clothes is Chateau De Sable. Château de sable comes from the French designer’s spirit, Stéphanie Lemaire. And they have the best collection for kid's clothing there. I highly suggest you let your kids do the picking too to find their preferred boy shirts in Singapore.
